$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
