sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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