Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
