I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
