Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
