I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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