Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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