Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
