So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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