Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
