i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
