You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
