cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
