I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
