Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
