you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
