cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
