Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
