So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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