There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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