Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
