I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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