Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
