We're like a lot better than the average bears
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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