I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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