So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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