I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
