I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
