Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
