Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
