he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Enjoy the penises
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize