I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
