That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
