you didnt know i had herpes?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
