The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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