summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
