It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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