fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
