she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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