Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
