We're facebook friends in real life
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
