I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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