if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
