I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I love you. Go after that dick
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
