i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We have started to decorate penises.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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