somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
