Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
