the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
