Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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