Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
