We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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