I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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