paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
my poor anus
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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