You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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