Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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