worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
