I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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