the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
ok first of all what the fuck
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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