Duck Duck Cougar?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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