Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
