I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
