I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
