I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize