$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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