planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
