Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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