I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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