Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
