is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
