Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
there is glitter all over my balls
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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