Yo dont text me then not text me
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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