Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
These tits shall not be calmed
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
