batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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