Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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