Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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